508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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