I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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