Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
