Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
