I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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