Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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