I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
