im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
