Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
