i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
