Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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