Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
