Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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