I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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