can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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