By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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