You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
