Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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