I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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