took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
