Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
