I think my vagina is haunted
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
