Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
