That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
