you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
