I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
