If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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