Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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