I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
