Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
