i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
