I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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