I'm really into asian looking animals
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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