you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
