When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
