fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
