i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
