I got chris browned last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
