Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
