When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You can't just leave with hair like that
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
