that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
