question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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