If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
