sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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