i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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