i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
