don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
