why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
