My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
