I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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