I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize