No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
