The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
