Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
