Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
