Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
